...that's the song to which I am currently listening here at work. It's been a crazy day during which I have had few moments to think about anything other than the task at hand (which is a good thing, no doubt... but a little unnerving when there seems to be so much else to ponder). But now, there seems to be a blessed lull in the business to which I attend, and I am going to take this opportunity to reflect on the song which I hear.
I do need a hero. I'm holding out for said hero not just until the end of the night, but forever more and always, amen. Or at least that is what it seems. In my case, I really am not sure just what that hero is, seeing as how more and more I think that it mightn't actually be a person, but rather an action or a thing. And I suppose therein lies a conundrum, seeing as how as of late, my life has been quite full; I attend a gym in the mornings, and then work at my full time job (at which I have recently been given a batch of new duties that keep my QUITE occupied), and then I head home only to then head to rehearsal for Romeo + Juliet. After that, there really aren't very many hours left during the day with which one could do anything, really... I suppose I could devote them to reading or crocheting or something, but in all frankness, my mind seems so mushy by then, that neither of those pastimes really appeal to me.
Thus, my life is full. At least my week is full. My weekends? Well, they are about to be full (seeing as how we are honing in on opening for the show), but at present, they are more occupied by a kind of mental regrouping with my family in Weatherford. I enjoy this, but at the same time, I think it might be working somewhat to my detriment...
I arrive home and feel a sense of relief to be around something familiar, but then I realize that this has been the case for a while now. I live in Arlington - a town in which there are amusement parks, malls, and varied distractions of all sorts, and which is situated near two major metropolitan areas within which are housed yet greater numbers of distractions and diversions - and yet I take no advantage of this. I guess part of that is my preference to partake of these things with someone else - friends, family, etc - yet experiencing a dearth of people who might fit that bill.
That's not very nice... I guess... but it is none the less true. I'm at a point now where all of my friends don't seem like friends any longer (and I don't doubt that not being in school any more has a great deal to do with that... although to be honest, when I was still in school, I felt markedly similar to now). I guess I'm just curious... how does one break free? My friend Troy feeds me the "look at me" lines somewhere in the ballpark of "all I did was change my job, my boyfriend, and all my friends, and things got better"... and hell, he's probably right on the money when it comes to what I should do... but frankly, I just don't see how the hell all of that comes about. He admitted it took a while, but to hear him talk, you'd think it were an infomercial for a weight loss product or get-rich-quick scheme...
I hate to sound whiny, because it's been my experience that people tend to find that a big turn off when it comes to deciding whether or not to associate with you. I suppose that is why I vent here. But venting, admittedly, will only get me so far. The rest is up to me making active changes and rolling with the resulting punches...
... now if I could just figure out what the hell those changes need be...
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